Unpacking the Gift of Forgiveness and Its Impact on Mental Wellness

People frequently rationalize their judgmental attitudes by arguing that those who have wronged them are unworthy of forgiveness, and they are often right—since forgiveness is a gift that frees someone from emotional debt or punishment. Yet, it mainly benefits the person who forgives rather than the one being forgiven, as holding onto unforgiveness is a major source of built-up anger, which can lead to depression if not properly managed. How did we arrive at the belief that forgiveness must be earned before it can be given?

Let me make it clear from the beginning what forgiveness does not involve. While forgiveness is a first step towards reconciliation, it does NOT mean restoring damaged relationships. True reconciliation demands more than offering forgiveness. Furthermore, forgiveness does not allow an abuser to continue their actions. Abuse must be addressed and stopped. 

In this context, what does true forgiveness mean? It involves a heartfelt decision to release the obligation of judging or punishing someone for their actions. It liberates the person who has crossed our boundaries and owes us. Moreover, forgiveness also frees us, particularly when others are unaware of the judgments we keep hidden. 

Often, those who hurt us are unaware of crossing our personal boundaries. Consequently, they remain unconsciously emotionally unaffected by the issues troubling us.

In the book of Colossians 3:13, Apostle Paul invites the church to:

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

The call to bear with one another is an encouragement to continue being patient with mistakes until a certain maturity is reached, and to practice the gift of forgiveness along the way. 

It seems the apostle recognized the church's struggle with forgiveness, prompting him to urge them to consider the example of Jesus's crucifixion. Today, we are encouraged to do the same. 

This Christmas, I invite you to join me in considering the gift of forgiveness and choose to begin forgiving rather than holding onto grudges. Practicing forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts you can offer yourself this year. 

As you reflect on today’s Bible verse, which conflicting moments come to mind? If forgiving is challenging, consider journaling about what has been done to you. Recognizing the harm unforgiveness causes your heart, you can choose to forgive. You can continue writing (or prayerfully stating) that you forgive so-and-so for such-and-such until the pain from the experience is entirely gone. It may take some time to realize you have healed, but you can begin the healing process today by allowing people to make mistakes.

Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. Isaiah 53,4