Could Forgiveness Be the Gift That Sets Your Own Heart Free?
Updated: Sep 1
People often justify holding on to judgment by saying that those who hurt them do not deserve forgiveness. In many cases, they may be right—forgiveness is not something another person can earn. It is a gift that releases someone from an emotional debt we believe they owe us.
Yet forgiveness often benefits the person who forgives more than the person being forgiven. Unforgiveness can keep anger, resentment, and painful memories active within us, gradually affecting our emotional and spiritual well-being.
How, then, did we come to believe that forgiveness must be earned before it can be given?
What Forgiveness Does Not Mean
Let me clarify from the beginning what forgiveness does not require. Although forgiveness may be a first step toward reconciliation, it does not automatically restore a damaged relationship. Genuine reconciliation requires repentance, accountability, rebuilt trust, changed behavior, and willingness from both people.
Forgiveness also does not mean allowing an abuser to continue causing harm. Abuse must be confronted and stopped. Healthy boundaries, distance, and appropriate support may still be necessary. You can forgive someone and still decide that it is unsafe or unwise to restore the relationship to what it once was.
What Does Forgiveness Mean?
In this context, forgiveness is a heartfelt decision to release our claim to personally judge or punish someone for what they have done. It means surrendering the emotional debt to God rather than continuing to carry it ourselves.
Forgiveness releases the person who crossed our boundaries or caused us pain—but it also releases us. Sometimes those who hurt us do not even realize that they crossed a personal boundary. While we continue replaying the offense and carrying the pain, they may remain completely unaware of the struggle taking place within us.
Our hidden judgment may not affect them, but it continues to affect our own hearts.
The apostle Paul writes:
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”—Colossians 3:13
The call to bear with one another encourages patience with people’s weaknesses and mistakes as they grow toward maturity. Along the way, we are invited to practice forgiveness—not because every offense is insignificant, but because we ourselves have received forgiveness through Christ.
Paul understood that forgiveness could be difficult, even within the church. He therefore directed believers toward the example of Jesus. Today, we are invited to do the same.
Give Yourself the Gift of Forgiveness
This Christmas, I invite you to consider the gift of forgiveness. Instead of carrying a grudge into another season, perhaps you can begin releasing what has been weighing on your heart.
Forgiveness may be one of the most meaningful gifts you give yourself this year.
As you reflect on Colossians 3:13, what conflict, offense, or painful memory comes to mind?
If forgiveness feels difficult, consider writing honestly about what happened. Name the harm without minimizing it. Acknowledge how the experience affected you and what continuing to carry resentment is doing within your heart. When you are ready, you might write or pray:
“I choose to forgive __________ for __________. I release this debt into God’s hands.”
You may need to repeat this prayer whenever the pain resurfaces. Forgiveness is sometimes a single decision, but emotional healing often unfolds gradually. Choosing to forgive does not mean pretending that the wound never existed. It means refusing to allow the wound to control your future.
You do not need to force yourself to feel healed immediately. Begin with an honest willingness to surrender the offense to Jesus, while maintaining any boundaries necessary for your safety and well-being.
You may not notice the change at once, but you can begin the journey toward freedom today.
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