Struggles of Sexual Abuse Survivors

I can hear several readers of my previous blog posts, victims of sexual abuse, commenting on some of my shared struggles, saying, “those are not real issues.” I understand where this statement is coming from. Please allow me to address the issue from a personal perspective, as a lay person.

I was not a victim of rape, but I know people who were. In our service projects over the years, I have encountered numerous stories of various abuses (including sexual) that happened to both adults and children we served. Most of them are still victims of the unfair abuse that took place many years ago.

Observing victims' coping mechanisms and, at times, regressive behaviors, I concluded that unhealed wounds open doors to various fears, and at times the need for asserting dominance over people that trigger suppressed pain. I also saw numerous victims becoming abusers. I have also observed numerous victims who got stuck on their inner healing journey, when under stress, inflicting pain on animals, their close relationships, or themselves. Some of the survivors have only superficial relationships, being scared of intimacy, while others find comfort in promiscuity or a sudden interest in intimacy with the same sex, all of which often causes feelings of inadequacy, isolation, guilt, and shame.

Ultimately, unresolved trauma frequently leads a survivor to perceive reality through the lens of past pain. Fears can give rise to different biases that impact behaviors, whether manipulative or passive-aggressive. Distrust and difficulty in truly loving others can impede the development of meaningful and reliable relationships, ultimately diminishing the fulfillment of leading a purposeful life.

Although I was not a victim of that kind of abuse, as a child, I was a witness to domestic violence and non-consensual sex. Due to the traumatic experience, as an adult, I was afraid of commitment and intimacy. I saw abuse in marriage, and I did not want to get married myself. As an adult, it took willingness to be transparent and ask for help in order to receive healing. I also needed to forgive both an abuser, a victim (for not divorcing the abuser), and myself (for being a silent witness for many years). There was a process I had to go through to receive healing. For over a year, I had inner healing counseling sessions learning to process and receive healing from several traumatic events.

Whatever the struggle is that you are unable to process and receive healing, while reading this blog post, the first step to inner healing is acknowledging suppressed shame and pain caused by the trauma. God often helps people through other people. Deep heart issues need the help of other people, and we need to be willing to give a voice to painful memories in a safe environment (if needed, with professional help). You can be healed, but you need to speak up and ask for help. My prayer is that you do not give up on finding resolution and healing from the trauma. There is a way out of unhealthy relationship cycles, no matter what difficulty is keeping you stuck and unable to experience lasting progress. 

Let me pray for you:

Dear Jesus, I ask for your guidance and strength for the person who is reading this blog post and feeling overwhelmed by past experiences that were unjust. I pray for the courage and wisdom to address the painful events that have left deep scars. May the Holy Spirit provide a supportive companion to assist in the healing process. I pray that Jesus will revive and bring new life to the wounded areas of their heart. In Jesus' name, amen.